A Toast to Ali’s 20 Years at Modern Memoirs, Inc.

Director of Publishing Ali de Groot (center) raising her glass during toasts at the company's 30th anniversary celebration, September 2024

On September 27, 2024, company owners Megan and Sean St. Marie hosted a dinner at the Blue Heron Restaurant in Sunderland, Massachusetts celebrating the 30th anniversary of Modern Memoirs. The following is a toast Megan gave to Director of Publishing Ali de Groot, who marks her 20th year of employment with the company this year, as well.

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Ali at the Modern Memoirs 30th anniversary dinner

Ali, although I hope you know every day how grateful I am to have you as Director of Publishing at Modern Memoirs, I am glad to have this day to offer formal thanks for all you’ve done and continue to do on behalf of the company. Taking inspiration from your prior career with English language learners, and with apologies for any mispronunciation, I say:

Ali looking at a statue gifted to her in honor of her 20 years of employment at Modern Memoirs

Ali's dancer statue

Gracias—and specifically, muchísimas gracias for staying! Nothing obliged you to remain with the business when Sean and I assumed ownership, and it took a tremendous amount of generosity, trust, and openness on your part to give us a chance. Your steady presence allowed us to succeed, and your passion for your work enabled us to thrive.

Merci—merci mille fois for the care and skill you bring to your work each and every day. Not only have you shared your beautiful writing with us in myriad ways, two decades have given you expertise in every phase of the publishing process. Your high standards coupled with your meticulous, organized, thoughtful manner, give me absolute faith in your abilities and in your dedication to your craft and your job.

Shukran—shukran jazilan for your downright magical way with potential clients. The strength of your relationships with former clients encourages them to return to us with new projects, and your belief in all we do translates into an extraordinary ability to recruit new writers to the business.

Ābhāra—for the sensitivity, warmth, and patience you bring to your client interactions—even when they pose challenges. It’s such a comfort to know that we can turn to each other at difficult moments, while also rejoicing in the many happy times of connection and joy that come with this work.

Murakoze—for your outstanding mentorship of your colleagues—including me. We’ve all learned so much from you, and that’s because you share your knowledge so willingly, delighting in others’ strengths and achievements, while bringing your own talents and creativity to all you do.

Xièxiè—for your warmth as a colleague and for advocating that we all take care of ourselves so that we can devote ourselves to our work in good health and good spirits.

And now, I’ll shift gears to say, Congratulations! Felicidades! Félicitations! Tahanina! Abhinandana! Twishimiye! Gōngxǐ! and a resounding Mazel Tov! on your 20 years with Modern Memoirs. Here’s to many more!

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Megan St. Marie is president of Modern Memoirs, Inc.

A Toast to Company Founder Kitty Axelson-Berry at Modern Memoirs’ 30th Anniversary

Modern Memoirs staff and guests at the Blue Heron Restaurant celebrating the company's 30th anniversary, September 2024

On September 27, 2024, company owners Megan and Sean St. Marie hosted a dinner at the Blue Heron Restaurant in Sunderland, Massachusetts celebrating the 30th anniversary of Modern Memoirs. The following is a toast they gave in honor of founder and retired president,
Kitty Axelson-Berry.

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Company founder Kitty Axelson-Berry at the dinner celebrating Modern Memoirs' 30th anniversary, September 2024

Sean: Kitty, on the occasion of Modern Memoirs’ 30th anniversary, it brings Megan and me great joy to have this opportunity to celebrate you. After all, Modern Memoirs would not exist without your vision, your guts, your talents, and your heart. We are honored to carry on the legacy you created because we share the core value on which it is premised: that sharing one’s life story and preserving family history are among the greatest gifts a person can give.

Kitty looking at a statue of a woman holding an open book, gifted to her in honor of Modern Memoirs' 30th anniversary

Megan: When you retired and we bought the company in 2019, we inherited a beautiful archive of books that you had a hand in creating, and with it a loyal and grateful client base that gave us the confidence we needed to succeed. Yours were impossibly big shoes to fill, however, and I admit I was shaking in my own boots when life threw us a curveball a few months after the sale of the business and Sean took his job at the Dickinson Museum instead of staying at Modern Memoirs with me on a day-to-day basis. With no background in business, and way too much on my plate in other parts of my life, I took inspiration from your entrepreneurial courage at some of my most anxious, overwhelmed moments and would say to myself, “I will not let Kitty down!” And although I was determined to respect your happy retirement, I also knew that you wanted the business to succeed under our ownership and that you would be there for me as I got my bearings and forged ahead.

Megan and Sean St. Marie

Sean: Under Megan’s leadership, we’ve strived to live up to the nurturing and supportive company culture you established as an employer, and to meet the high standards you held for both bookmaking and client relationships. You’ve told us that we’ve done you proud, and in return, we want to express our gratitude to you. Business ownership was not a dream of ours until we met you, and this unexpected chapter in our life story is one for which we are profoundly thankful.

Megan: Owning Modern Memoirs has enhanced our lives in both practical and intangible ways, and we want you to know, Kitty, that this is part of your legacy, too: you built something that has changed our family’s life story for the better, and that has, in turn, enabled us to offer fulfilling, purpose-driven work to our staff while continuing Modern Memoirs’ mission.

Sean: And at five years in, we’ve only just begun! You led this company for its first quarter-century, and we’ve had a fifth of that time to put our mark on it. We don’t know what the future holds, but the success we’ve enjoyed so far and the gratitude we feel for you and your vision fill us with optimism and inspiration.

Megan: So, let’s all raise a glass to Kitty, and to the thriving company she created, Modern Memoirs, Inc. Cheers to 30 years!

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Photo by Jason Lamb Photography

Megan St. Marie is president of Modern Memoirs, Inc.

Lessons Learned at Modern Memoirs

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Publishing Associate Emma Solis during her last week at Modern Memoirs in September 2024

A Farewell Blog Post by Publishing Associate Emma Solis

When I began working at Modern Memoirs, Inc. as Publishing Associate in May 2023, I had just graduated from Smith College, and my internship with the business the previous summer was my only real work experience. I am so happy that company president Megan St. Marie took a chance on hiring me because I can’t think of a better foundation for launching into my career and life as an adult. One year and four months later, I am unfortunately leaving my position to follow my partner and explore opportunities in New York City. My departure does not negate how grateful I am for the opportunities I had here, nor how much I enjoyed working within such a caring, supportive, and knowledgeable team. In the interest of preserving the valuable lessons I’ve learned, I have decided to enumerate them here. To college students and young adults looking to learn about or join the publishing industry, I hope this short list may provide a good starting point to see what lessons you may take away from an internship or first job with a small publisher like Modern Memoirs, Inc.

1. The devil really is in the details.

A book is a collection of countless details masquerading as a seamless unit, each detail so small and easy to overlook on its own. During my tenure as Publishing Associate, I have witnessed the mix of panic and relief that comes with catching a tiny mistake in the late-stage review process, or, more unfortunately, upon receiving proofs of the printed book. During one project, a client’s last-minute addition of a few extra sentences at the end of the chapter had added an extra page that was now missing a page number. We were able to catch the error and resolve it before printing the bulk run of books. This (thankfully unusual) experience taught me that you really cannot double-check enough times, even after receiving the book, and even if it looks perfect on the outside.

On the flip side, it was often the small details that took a book project from great to superb. These decisions often involved one staff member who had a particular insight into our client and knew how to include a feature that would delight them in the bookmaking process. Including colored endsheets, using a display font that hearkened to the client’s native language, or compiling a list of folksy sayings a client had used in his manuscript—these special touches were a product of the Modern Memoirs staff’s desire to make every book perfect for its particular client. It was deeply satisfying to hear a client’s rave response to details that arose from so much thought and care.

2.     Together Everyone Achieves More.

Modern Memoirs’ team truly embodies that acronym you sometimes see on motivational posters: “T.E.A.M: Together Everyone Achieves More.” President Megan St. Marie led our weekly team meetings with humor and warmth, encouraging every member to share their recent progress and struggles, and fostering a supportive, close-knit atmosphere.

Personally, I learned a great deal from every member of our small team. I often worked closely with Director of Publishing Ali de Groot and observed her extraordinary ability to connect deeply with our authors. Because she has written and published a memoir herself, she can offer boundless empathy, patience, and wisdom to our clients; because she is passionate about this work, she imbues it with fun and joy, especially when a client returns to express how much they loved their books!

My design skills have improved tenfold from working with Book Designer Nicole Miller, who brings endless innovation and energy to the Modern Memoirs team. She helped coach me through tricky InDesign features, gave me advice on analytics and marketing, and inspired me to develop a custom Online Author Page product by learning about CSS.

I felt I could always go to Genealogist Liz Sonnenberg for support due to her kind disposition and penchant for offering help. At team meetings, I was always fascinated by her explanations of what she had found in her genealogy research. It was a pleasure to watch her and President Megan St. Marie swap literature recommendations, and to hear about Megan’s latest research and writing projects. In general, the Modern Memoirs team is a deeply creative and passionate bunch, and the energy only grows when everyone is in a room all together.

Creative fields like writing can involve lots of time spent alone, and paths like freelance work don’t offer much outside support. Publishing, however, is a field that relies on constant communication and collaboration—just one reason I was interested in pursuing it! I was surprised and glad to find that much of my role over this year involved being a part of Modern Memoirs’ close-knit team, which appreciates and values the unique strengths of each member.

“I would sometimes come across a line of writing by a client that struck me—maybe the line would be about a recent loss, or connecting with a parent, or just being doubtful about the future—and I’d feel seen and comforted, knowing that someone else at some time had felt the same way.”

3. Everyone deserves to have their story told.

Before beginning my work at Modern Memoirs, I already believed in the value of being able to share one’s story. Writing is a means of connecting with others and broadening our horizons. However, I didn’t expect just how much I would be touched by the stories that came through Modern Memoirs. I found that the outlines of many of the narratives were similar—childhood, school, career, marriage, family—but the details the writer chose to include, and their perspectives, were all unique. I often thought about the writer’s family members and friends, who would treasure the intimate memories, photographs, and records within each book.

Loss is not something we like to dwell on, but it is another common factor of every person’s life story, like childhood and a career. Just a few months after I started at Modern Memoirs, I learned that my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Not having any other family history of cancer, I was shocked and gutted. Fortunately, my dad is still battling his cancer today, and is even able to travel from Texas to visit me. In the months that followed his diagnosis, though, nobody was sure what was to come. Being able to work from home at that time, which allowed me to travel and spend a month with my family, was critical to staying optimistic about the present and future. I felt so thankful to be at a company where I was encouraged to be with my family, and where Megan and Sean St. Marie had created a culture of sharing and support.

I was grateful for my role with Modern Memoirs at that time for one other reason: my work was unexpectedly helpful in dealing with the new changes in my life. In the course of my work, I would sometimes come across a line of writing by a client that struck me—maybe the line would be about a recent loss, or connecting with a parent, or just being doubtful about the future—and I’d feel seen and comforted, knowing that someone else at some time had felt the same way.

In that vein, people sometimes wonder why they should publish a memoir as an “average” person with experiences like those of many others. But I see the similarity of our experiences as a benefit, not a drawback. That similarity is what allows us to connect through something as small as a description of a feeling, or a retelling of an event. It is precisely what makes these memoirs so valuable, and what allows a family to feel close to an ancestor simply by reading about their life, never having met them in person.

4.     Good work feeds the soul.

With that said, my favorite part of working at Modern Memoirs, by far, is the sense of purpose I had in the knowledge that I helped bring someone’s story into the world. The days that we received advance books from the printer were like a birthday party, with the whole team gathering in the conference room to admire our collective work. I regard the books that I had more of a hand in with particular fondness, and I feel warm when thinking of them being enjoyed by the author’s family. The lovely notes and gifts we often received after completing a project bolstered the sentiment that our work is truly important and valued.

As I say goodbye to Modern Memoirs, I am confident that the company will continue to grow and thrive for years to come. I look forward to keeping in touch to see how the close-knit team I value so much will mentor new interns and publishing associates, forge intimate connections with authors, and bring new stories into the world as distinctive, beautiful books.

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Reflections from Modern Memoirs Director of Publishing Ali de Groot, Part 2

Director of Publishing Alison “Ali” de Groot began her official employment at Modern Memoirs in September 2004. In honor of her 20th anniversary this year, we are presenting a two-part blog series in which we asked de Groot to reflect on two books of her own. Last month, in Part 1, she discussed Learning to Speak, a bereavement book dedicated to her mother, which de Groot published herself in 1999. In Part 2 below, we look into The Reader’s Chair: An Anthology of Memoirs-in-Progress, edited by de Groot and published by Modern Memoirs in 2018.

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In 2002 Kitty Axelson-Berry, the founder of Modern Memoirs, launched First Person! First Night!, a place for writers in the Amherst, Massachusetts area to gather on a monthly, drop-in basis. On the first night of every month, writers were invited to read aloud their works-in-progress. The group, facilitated by Ali de Groot and Linda Stenlund, had anywhere from four to ten participants and met faithfully at the Modern Memoirs office for thirteen years, until 2015.

To honor this group, Axelson-Berry and de Groot envisioned creating an anthology of pieces written by longtime members. The Reader’s Chair is an informal collection of these writings. In the book’s Introduction, de Groot describes how, to prepare for each monthly gathering, she and her co-facilitator would “set up a bunch of mismatched chairs in a tight circle and place an old flexible floor lamp next to the designated reading chair, a frayed pink upholstered affair that had belonged to Kitty’s mother.” Today, over twenty years later, the reading chair remains a cherished piece of furniture in the Modern Memoirs office.

1. How does this anthology reflect the breadth of life experiences and writing styles that memoir can encompass?

Ali de Groot: I believe memoir writing can come in all shapes and sizes. Since life is full of experiences that are impossible to fit into one style, a memoir can be anything the writer wants it to be. I’m not talking about commercial “bestseller” memoirs. I’m talking about what we focused on in our group: personal, authentic, raw writing in whatever form it might take—a story, a letter, a poem, a dream, even a to-do list.

2. On one of the first pages of the book, you include a quote by Anaïs Nin: “We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.” How do these words convey the essence of memoir writing?

“Writing is a free journey, a window into understanding on a deeper level.”

Ali de Groot: One of my favorite writers in high school was Nin, so I had to include this well-known quote. When I read her published diaries, I realized that journal writing was really a form of memoir. As an avid journaler myself, I came to value this style of writing. For me, memoir writing is a powerful way to relive and make sense of an event after it has happened, be it positive or negative, important or inconsequential. Writing is a free journey, a window into understanding on a deeper level. And it allows me to face things I might not have wanted to face, and learn things about myself or others that I didn’t know.

3. As you describe in the Introduction: “We would devote some time after each person’s reading for constructive feedback from listeners, if desired, but ‘literary’ critique was discouraged and almost nonexistent. After all, these were usually raw and unedited pieces, sometimes read directly from a journal, a notebook, letters, even scrap paper. I think the majority of us had no intention of publishing our work (or even re-reading or revising it), although most of us were writing abundantly during those years.” What is an advantage to doing this type of writing, as opposed to working and re-working the actual chapters of a book? What is the advantage to this type of initial feedback?

Ali de Groot: Back to the journaling topic, this kind of writing is simply a way to get snapshots of the mind. It’s immediate, accessible, and you don’t have to analyze, edit, analyze, edit, etc. and drive yourself nuts trying to figure out the “best” way to say it. In my view, the “best” way doesn’t always live up to the most authentic way to say something.

The point of reading aloud wasn’t to get feedback. It was to have witnesses to a story in real time. A kind of magic happens for the reader (and the listener) in this setting. The feedback was secondary. Living in a very literary town like ours, I admit I wanted to avoid looking like a group of aspiring authors. In fact, when occasionally someone’s feedback got too scholarly, personal, inquisitive, or preachy, it was a big damper and we would have to steer the comments in a different direction. I think we just wanted motivation to write and reflect, with minimal feedback, the sort that makes you want to return the next time and helps you enjoy writing for writing’s sake.

4. Since writers in the group weren’t necessarily interested in publishing their work, how did you end up deciding to create the anthology? Can you describe the publication process?

Ali de Groot: It was Kitty (my then-boss) who initiated the concept, and I ran with it. I had one day a month to work on a personal project, so I decided to use that time to work on the anthology. First I had to solicit submissions, which was difficult because we didn’t even have an email list of people who had attended over the thirteen years! I knew a handful of people’s email addresses and contacted them. I wanted more people, but in the end I only had submissions from five. Although I gave deadlines for each step, it all naturally took longer than I thought. Kitty and I did a cursory proofread of all the pieces, but NO editing, keeping in line with our philosophy of keeping the writing raw and authentic. I designed the book, and we went to print, ordering just enough copies for each of the five members, who requested anywhere from two to twenty copies.

A bittersweet thing that happened later—there was one member, a close friend of mine, who initially didn’t even want to pick up her two copies. She had been in the group since its inception but was very humble and hesitant to let anyone know about the book. Around four years later, she became ill and passed away. We read some of her original poems at the funeral. And can you imagine what happened when people found out that she had been writing poems, stories, and journals for decades? They all wanted copies of the book. I’ve ordered reprints for her family and friends. So this book continues to honor her and proclaim to all those who knew her what a devoted writer she was. It’s a little glimpse into her soul.

5. If a writer does not have access to this type of group, what is the next best thing they can do to get themselves “writing abundantly”?

Ali de Groot: Form a group! Get a writing buddy! Even a virtual partner on Zoom! Make time to write on a regular basis (duh). Journal every day. (I don’t write every day.) Let yourself loose, and don’t think about anyone ever reading it. Explore verse, rhyme, lists, letters, minutes, shorthand, any kind of writing. Try writing in another language, writing with your opposite hand, writing in pen, pencil, marker, or on a keyboard. Look at a photo and write. Look at a painting and write. Look at what’s right in front of you and write. You’ll be surprised at what comes out.

The editor (with newly published book) sitting in the actual reader's chair at former office of Modern Memoirs, 2018

The reader’s chair, originally Kitty’s mother’s chair, as it sits in the Modern Memoirs office today, 2024

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Liz Sonnenberg is genealogist for Modern Memoirs, Inc.

Five Questions: Reflections from Modern Memoirs Authors

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As a special project to celebrate Modern Memoirs’ 30th anniversary, our staff decided to compile client interviews from our monthly “Reflections” blog series into a Digital Book entitled Five Questions: Reflections from Modern Memoirs Authors. Genealogist Liz Sonnenberg has been writing the “Reflections” series for the past three years. She brings a deep familiarity with each profiled author’s work to every one of her interviews, along with a genuine curiosity about the inspirations, struggles, and rewards they encountered along the self-publishing journey. The goal of each interview is to gain a deeper understanding of our authors as we allow them to process the impressive undertaking they have accomplished. For their part, our interviewees consistently honor us with honest, eloquent, and profoundly insightful reflections on their book projects.

“The goal of each interview is to gain a deeper understanding of our authors and allow them to process the impressive undertaking they have accomplished.”

As with each “Reflections” blog in the series, the creation of the Digital Book was a team effort that drew on the talents of the entire staff. The finished product is easy to share digitally with those curious about self-publishing, who may see a reflection of themselves in our former clients.

One of my favorite aspects of Five Questions is its variety of clients and projects. Five Questions represents authors who began the self-publishing process unsure of the value of their stories, authors who have sent their Modern Memoirs-published books to the Library of Congress, authors who wrote books primarily for the benefit of family or even for one specific family member, and authors who wrote books for self-expression. One client who has published three books with us, Stephen Rostand, explained his motivation for writing a family history in his interview: “I wanted to make sure my children and grandchildren and cousins knew something about their origins so they would not be orphans in history. After all, our past is part of all of us and knowing who we are should help guide us in the future.”

The presence of several repeat authors in Five Questions, some of whom are featured more than once in the book, may point to the value that our clients find not just in the Modern Memoirs publishing experience, but in these interviews, as well. A former client who is considering embarking on a new project with Modern Memoirs may revisit their “Reflections” blog to recall the specific obstacles they encountered and rewards they received from their first book. In her interview with client Elizabeth Tsai, who has published five books with Modern Memoirs, Liz asked what made her decide to return to the company to pursue her second project. Tsai answered, “[My first project] A Grandmother’s Diary was a way to test the waters. I thoroughly enjoyed working with Modern Memoirs, and I was confident that they would be as superb and as encouraging, if not more so, with the second project. The experience of working on the autobiography was akin to, but more fun and fruitful than, taking a course on memoir writing at a university. I learned a great deal, I had the fervent support of experts, and I exulted in the friendship of noble souls.”

As we celebrate three decades of helping hundreds of writers create the beautiful books they envision, we invite you to read about some of their experiences, and to share this Digital Book with anyone who might be ready to publish a book of their own with Modern Memoirs, Inc.

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Emma Solis is publishing associate for Modern Memoirs.

Reflections from Modern Memoirs Director of Publishing Ali de Groot, Part 1

Director of Publishing Alison “Ali” de Groot began her official employment at Modern Memoirs in September 2004. In honor of her 20th anniversary this year, we are presenting a two-part blog series in which we asked de Groot to reflect on two books of her own. In Part 1 below, she discusses Learning to Speak, a bereavement book dedicated to her mother, which de Groot published herself in 1999. Later, in Part 2, we will look into The Reader’s Chair: An Anthology of Memoirs-in-Progress, edited by de Groot and published by Modern Memoirs in 2018.

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© 1999 Alison de Groot

Ali de Groot’s mother, Nancy Phillipson de Groot (1932–1974), died when de Groot was 14 years old. In the Introduction to Learning to Speak, de Groot describes the years of silence that followed her mother’s death, and the years it took de Groot to realize what she had gone through after her mother died. Her book came about when, decades later, de Groot joined a “Bereavement Book” writing group facilitated by Kitty Axelson-Berry, who is a writer, editor, and founder of Modern Memoirs.

1. Your book opens with a quote by C.S. Lewis from A Grief Observed: “It doesn’t matter—not much—if my memory of her is imperfect. Images, whether on paper or in the mind, are not important for themselves. Merely links.” Why do these words resonate with you, and how do they reflect your experience with writing this book?

Ali de Groot: Firstly, C.S. Lewis was a favorite author of my late mother’s. She taught me the word “theologian” when I was a child and would have me read aloud to her in bed before I went off to sleep. We read all the Chronicles of Narnia by Lewis, as well as scores of spiritual writings by other theologians my mother admired. Decades later, when I came across C.S. Lewis’ book A Grief Observed, I was riveted because of how raw and honest Lewis sounded in describing his feelings after the death of his wife. It wasn’t a theologian talking, it was a man questioning everything he had ever learned or known or felt.

This particular quote is important to me because memory is indeed imperfect. What is important is to keep the memories alive. My memory of my mother is obviously going to be different from other people’s memories of her, and I had to come to terms with that once I started writing. But my primary goal was first to try to remember her, then to record my memories by writing them down. And I really wanted to be able to talk about her with my young children, who never knew their maternal grandmother.

2. In the Introduction you write, “This project was very, very hard to do at first, and I went slowly and with much anxiety. I had never separated my mother from the death itself, so there was no difference between thinking of her and thinking of aloneness and darkness. I do not exaggerate when I say that fear almost consumed me.” What was it that eventually opened you up, allowing you to overcome your trepidation?

Ali de Groot: It’s hard for me to imagine now, but for decades after my mother died, I never talked about her. Since I was only 14 and it was a sudden, unexpected death, it all became weirdly normal—she was just “gone” and we didn’t talk about her. That sounds horrible and callous to me now, but I think the main reason I didn’t talk is that nobody around me talked about her. This was in the 1970s, and resources for young people around the topic of death and dying were minimal. Plus, in my family culture, death wasn’t much discussed. We all went on with our lives.

What opened me up was the Bereavement Book writing group that Kitty led. It was a small group of just a few people, all of whom had lost a family member, recently or even far in the past (my mother had died 24 years earlier). The workshop offered a safe, tight structure and required setting aside a dedicated time to write weekly, far away from my home life.

The writing assignments sorted themselves into two themes, the first being a tribute to my mother, and the second being a chronicle of my bereavement and breaking the silence which had engulfed me. Starting with the easy exercises and positive memories really helped. One of the assignments was to bring in a picture of the deceased and write a couple of paragraphs about it. For many people this might be a nice activity, but any pictures I had of my mother were stuffed away in a box that hadn’t been touched since 1974. Having just that one task to do (which seemed insurmountable until I did it) became somehow manageable. Baby steps.

“I didn’t even remember much about my mother, or so I thought. Once I started writing, more and more memories came, and the positive memories far outweighed the darkness of loss.”

The workshop was practical, focused, and Kitty was the consummate facilitator. One of the first things I remember her saying to us was, “This is a writing group, not a therapy group, so it might be a good idea to get a therapist on the side.” This I did, and it was a great support because challenging feelings did come up, and I then had a fitting place to work through them. After the workshop was over, I continued writing every week with another group member. (We became very close friends and have always carved out time to write together, even now.) It took another year to finish the book, with the help of a generous designer friend and with production assistance from Kitty.

3. You say that initially yours was a personal bereavement book, written only for you. What changed and made you decide to share it with your family and friends? What did you hope they would gain by reading it? Looking back, how do you think this book has impacted others in your life?

Ali de Groot: I didn’t think this would ever become a book in the first place—just a few handwritten vignettes in notebook. If I had started to imagine other people reading anything, I probably would’ve stopped writing. I didn’t even remember much about my mother, or so I thought. Once I started writing, more and more memories came, and the positive memories far outweighed the darkness of loss. I also found many of her journals in the old boxes and decided to include scans of her own writing in the book. When I realized it was becoming somewhat biographical of my mother, I thought about giving it to family and close friends.

I hoped that family members would also reminisce about my mother, and I even left a chunk of blank pages in the middle of the book for people to write down their own memories. I’ve gotten lots of feedback over the years, ranging from “That’s not the mother I knew!” to “I learned so much about her, and about you.” More recently, I was at an aunt’s funeral and was surprised to see someone had brought the book and set it on the display table along with photos of my late aunt. I’m glad the book has sort of taken on a life of its own.

Front cover and inside page of a daily journal of my mother's, c. 1969

4. In the end, what were the personal rewards of undertaking this project?

Ali de Groot: The biggest personal reward: understanding the phases of grief and having the ability finally to talk about my mother. I can talk about her endlessly now! Hence the title, Learning to Speak. This is a double entendre, because before I was born, my mother developed esophageal cancer and literally had to learn to speak again after surgery. She was able to speak without a larynx and even become a teacher of other laryngectomees, which I didn’t even realize until I started looking back at her life and found a newspaper article about her.

Another invaluable reward was giving a copy of the book to each of my three kids, and hearing back from them now as adults. After all, this was the grandmother they never knew, but they can probably all name her favorite flower (lily of the valley), her favorite state, her middle name, her flaws. And they know more about me. I’ve also given the book to my closest friends, especially my old friends who knew me when I was so bottled up, and I hope they, too, came to understand me better.

5. How did writing this book influence your desire to join Modern Memoirs and pursue the work of helping others to self-publish their life stories and family histories?

Ali de Groot: When I finished the book and, with the help of Kitty, got it into print, I realized a couple of things: firstly, that writing is a deeply cathartic form of self-expression, and secondly, that I could probably do writing and editing as a profession. (I was a college teacher at that time.) So after 9/11 when there was an opening at Modern Memoirs’ nonprofit American Tribute Center for a volunteer writer, I contacted Kitty and told her I was available. That first job was unpaid, but it was a profound experience (I’ll write about that another time) that cemented my commitment to work in this field.

I love my job. I love the mentoring that I’ve gotten from Kitty and from everyone at Modern Memoirs. I love getting to know our clients, authors who all, at some point, seem to encounter struggles during the writing or completion of their books, challenges I often understand. And I can say, hands down, the best and most surprising thing I’ve ever done in my life—besides having children—is writing a book about my late mother.

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For an early blog by Ali de Groot on a related topic, see “Writing and Healing: How Bereavement Became a Book.”

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Liz Sonnenberg is genealogist for Modern Memoirs, Inc.